Something that Ross and I experience quite often when we first tell people about Alicia and her difficulties is that they feel sorry for us, a very common response is "I'm sorry".
It's really hard for a parent to a child with special needs to explain to others how it feels and that it's "not sad". We are not sad that we have Alicia. We love her so much and sometimes I think we love her even more because of her difficulties, maybe because she is so dependent on us. The National Association for Disabled Children and Youths (RBU) has a very well written text on their website that starts like this: "Parents of children with disabilities often live a different life than other parents. It is often a richer life as they learn to see and appreciate the small things in life."
Ross and I talked about this the other day. What is the right response to give and what is the right thing to say? I think "I'm sorry" sounds wrong because I'm not sorry that I have Alicia. So the opposite, "That's good to hear"... That would be a weird answer as well when you tell somebody that you have a child with special needs. I guess that you put the other person in a lose - lose situation because you are not going to be satisfied with any answer. We realize that most people mean well with what they are saying. Most people really do!
My sweet little princess, you give me so much joy in life.
LOVE YOU!!!
My sweet little princess, you give me so much joy in life.
LOVE YOU!!!
Call It Good?
ReplyDeleteMeMere, 21 feb 14:09
While having my devotions today, I read something that might help answer your question. I will share a part of it here:
I have truted in Your mercy. Psalm 13:5 Can we really know whether to label life's circumstances a good or bad? ...Or perhaps your child decides to pursue interests that aren't all that interesting to you. You wanted him to play basketball in high school. But he wanted to sing and play the trombone. You feel frustrated, but he excels and receives a music scholarship. Is that bad because your dreams weren't fulfilled, or good because God directed him in ways you could not have predicted?
Sometimes it's hard to see how God is working. His mysteries don't always reveal their secrets to us, and our journey is often redirected by uncontrollable detours. Perhaps God is showing us a better route. To make sure we benefit from what might seem bad, we must recognize and trust God's "unfailing" love" (Ps. 13:5)). In the end, we'll be able to say, "I will sing to the LORD, for He has been good to me" (v.6) We may not be able to control events, but we can control our attitude toward them.
If any couple has controlled their attitude towards events in their lives, you, Ross and Linda, have. You are an inspiration to me.
Love,
Mom L.
Honesty
ReplyDeleteMeMere, 21 feb 01:46
You are right...WHEN you say, "I'm sorry," doesn't really mean "I'm sorry!" When you say I'm sorry, you might mean you are sorry that Alicia will not experience everything that Damien will. But, that doesn't mean she is not loved just as much. MeMere once told me that people would say to her, "How do you love all of your children equally?" And she would think, "That is a stupid question, you can't love them equally but you love them all in different ways." I guess people are just trying to let you know that they want to support you and tell you that you parents are very special!!!
Love,
Mom L.